One a day

Recently I have been helping Auntie KY at the resource centre. As I was sorting the books, I chanced upon this very interesting book. It was a comics on soccer humor. I browsed thru it and had a good laugh in the very very quiet resource centre! So I specially selected some to scan and share with my PINKIE boy, since he loves soccer. 

Today as I was scanning the pages, I told myself that I should send 1 comics at a time. So there will be something that he can anticipate everyday. This will help to keep him away from the negative thoughts and redirect his attention on constructive things. So as I thought of this, I suddenly recalled something, or rather someone ...

Years ago, I have this male colleague which has lots of Forever Friends Bear pictures. Knowing that I'm a BIG fan of FFB, he sent me 1 picture a day and this last for around 1-2 mths. At that time, I didnt particularly like him and neither did he like me. Our relationship was just a little deeper than colleagues but not deep enough to be classify as good friends.

Now that I can still recall this after so many years, I still think it's a very sweet thing that one can offer to do for another person. Anyway, nothing much happen between us. All I can say is that fellow is a 高手 and I'm not stupid either! hahaha ... ! :D

Jokes of the year 2009

26 Nov was a very important day for all P6s cos it was the day to release PSLE results. While myself, mrs C (form teacher of my class) and mrs L were waiting in the conference room for the Big Shots to return with the results, L asked C & me if anyone in my class will fail Math. C mentioned 2 names, which I got a shock because I didnt anticipate any failures at all. And then C added that she anticipated 4 A* for Math, which I nearly fell from chair cos at most, there should only be 2 A*.

So when the Big Shots were back with the results, there was 1 A* and no failure for Math. It was really hilarious that being a form + Math teacher, her judgement was inaccurate! Anyway the highest was only 233. There were a few who did exceptionally well but overall speaking, it was lower than my expectation. The Foundation stream did very well this year.

So when everyone received their results, there were 3 meltdowns in my class. My dear form teacher wasnt aware of the meltdown. She was so busy going around, getting students to write greeting cards for hamper (another social enterprise proj in my sch)! Until I had to handle 2 boys and when they were calm enough to have lunch, I got to secretly call her to inform her. These 2 boys have history to commit suicide so she as a form teacher got to be aware of it.

So after I told her, she together with another theraptist, talked to the boys. I purposely left the boys with them. In less than 10 mins, they had finished talking. So I joined the boys at their workstation and one of them commented that, "why is C so concern about us today?"

I thought this statement is very classic. Even a child with autism can sense if a person is real or fake! I wouldnt say I'm a good teacher. But the last thing I want is my student to remember me as a fake person!

Recovering from a Broken Heart

Weeks ago I was praying very hard for my PINKIE boy. I even dreamt about the thing I prayed for. That dream had a positive outcome but reality bited us once again! I was very very dishearted. So dishearted that I didnt want to pray anymore.

I felt even worst when I knew my boy was so so so upset and started to self-hurt. As much as I wanted to help him, I didnt know how to cos I was feeling as upset and I didnt want to pass on those negative effects to him.

But God is good! As I started to stop praying, my boy kept throwing me new prayer requests. And thru out this period, I was closely watched over by my dearest mentor, Auntie KY. She has such POWERFUL eyes that are able to detach my emotional problems, even though I "die die also never spell a single word about it"! Haha ... :D

While I'm trying to cope with the disappointment, my mind is very occupied with the problems I can foresee for 2 of my boys (D & J). Since I can't be with them forever, I have to learn to detach! Although there are more to be done, I have done more than sufficient.

I need to quickly recover from my broken heart. Be recharge and ready for the new challenges ahead of me!

Melt ...

One of the many things I have learnt after being a teacher is to apologise to my students. And one of the sweetest moment, being a teacher, is to know that my student is not angry with me when he has a valid reason. That's how he melts my heart!

PSLE results will be out in 2 days time. My melting heart is at the same time, pumping very fast. That dream of mine is still clearly reflected in my mind. I don't know if it's from God. I only know that God must help him. I will also help him by praying for him so that God help him!!!

A moment of thanksgiving!

As I discover a small portion of hidden secret, I thought I have comprehend the entire plan but I was wrong! It's another prayer answer and the answer is STAY! I want to thank God for revealing the answer in such amazing way. Even as I was excited over the little tracks along the way, He know my desire and kept me in track. Indeed, He has solved the problem for me. Walking away isn't the solution. He has amazingly made the problem disappear in the most amazing way!

Today, I discover that it is not yet time to say goodbye. There'll be more good times to come and of course bad times when I will feel weak, ill, sad, disappointed, dishearted, ... etc. I know He is always with me. He has never leave me a single step, a single moment in my life.

I want to dedicate this moment to Him, to thank Him for the many wonderful things He has done in my life thus far! 

Thank you Jesus!

Not ready to bid farewell 还不想说再见 ...

I have been asked by a few students if I will teach them next year but it's particularly sweet & encouraging to hear it from danny boy!  It's indeed my pleasure that receive such request cos if they dun like me, they wouldnt raise so queries. 

This academic year is ending soon. There are things that I can wait to wave goodbye with yet some that I cant bear to part with! I will miss those kids who God has clearly revealed to me. As much as I want to shadow them, I know there will be a time that we have to part. And I always believe that we will meet again somewhere that God permits!

To my danny boy,

When you asked me if I will teach you next year, my heart was immediately soften cos you had brought up on the little secret in the deepest corner in my heart. Although you're not the first student to ask this question, it's extremely sweet and encouraging to hear it from you!

I know I have yet to reply you on your second question. I'm not trying to act hard-to-get! I just feel that I'm not ready to bid farewell with you. Yet I know we need to part somewhere in our lives. It's a struggle for me which I dun know how to share with you! I guess I can only commit this to the Lord. Only He knows where we will be heading next year. 

No matter what, we need to part somewhere. Dun be sad! Remember our everlasting promise? We will meet again and continue our soccer session! Remember to put on your outfit and get ready to play soccer with me in heaven!

Dun doubt! You're a WONDERFUL boy cos God has made you so! Meanwhile, I will continue to pray for you till the day PSLE results is out.

Faith Love Hope

I still was joking with Fatty Bomb a while ago that I havent been writting not becos I havent been thinking. In fact, I have been thinking a lot recently ... a lot more than I had a year ago! But writting down these thoughts need a lot of time, effort and also inspiration!

I was chatting and sharing with my insurance agent in the afternoon about my work and my kids, in general. I always like to talk to him cos he will listen attentively with no expectation and link back the topic to God! As I was sharing that the demand for special need children is increasing and the trend will change in the near future, he asked for my opinion why God allow such mistake in man? 

Frankly, I was caught off guard with this question. I felt a bit shaken! I have been thinking about this topic, esp when I see those kids whom I love soooo much are in deep pain! Tears will just roll down from my eyes when I don't get an answer. No matter how much tears I shed, the God I know is still the same God yesterday, today and forever. My kids will still have to struggle with autism till the day the leave this world. I don't have an answer. 

Mayb cos I don't have to know or I already have the answer. Between these, I choose the second one --- The answer is already given! God is Love and for those who honour Him, walk close with Him, will receive be blessed! With Him, we can! 

So I choose to believe that the answer is very simple, which is Faith, Love & Hop!

I want to cry!

The flight is confirmed. I'll be departing on 16 oct at 8.40 am and back to homeland on 20 oct 10.15 pm. Frankly I don't quite look forward to the trip. Don't feel like talking about it. Just pray for me that I will stay positive thru out the trip and everything will turn out well!

My Children's Day Message

it's children's day again and i cant help it to feel a bit sad today cos this will be the last children's day my kids going to celebrate. after this yr, there will only be youth day. no more children's day for them, which means there will be 2 more days of school for them in the future yrs! this's definitely not a nice thing to think about on this day so the only explanation (& comfort) i can offer is tell them that this's part of growing up. this shld make them feel better, since it's a class of 11 boys. if there's girl in the class, i would probably have to use diff tactics. haha ...

as expected, i believe most of them will 'forget' me next yr. so i decided to write them a personalised children's day message for each of them to encourage, motivate or inspire them. i'll be happy if they can understand 50% of the message cos i can be quite philosophical which can be too much for the kids to handle. haha ...

i thought it will be nice to pen down the messages here so that one day when my memory fails me, i can still reminisce.

RL

I'm so happy that you've made some REAL good friends and I hope these friendships florish and last a lifetime. Cherish your friends and be a happy boy!

SH

Thank you for being such a loveable boy. My life will be REAL bored without you cos you're always so entertaining! Remember what I've told you --- Believe in yourself. You can do it!

JT

I really enjoy those short moments that we chat in the hall. I appreciate your sincere and honest reply. It's my pleasure to be your teacher and I'll always remember you as a good-nature & adorable boy. If you need someone to share your problems, dont be shy to approach me, ok!

MK

I always believe that you're a teachable boy. You have to reflect and remember the teachings so that you can be a better person. I hope you can improve on your social skill & make more friends.

FT

You're a boy of multiple talents. I hope your talents will make you famous one day and I'll be very proud of you!

P/S: No more "homework" please!

CM

I've witnessed the improvement in you. Thank you for being such a diligent & hardworking boy. I like your military Eeyore drawing and I hope you can expand your interest area.

Strive hard and work smart towards your goals!

LJ

Thank you for being such a "almost"* perfect boy. I hope you can use your talents to help the less fortunate and make a difference in their lives. Be happy and stay positive!

* almost cos no one is perfect in this world

Noah

You're a smart & god boy cos God has made you so. May God grant you the wisdom to excel in every area and the favour to expand your circle of friends.

DL

Now that you have memorised the Fruit of the Spirit. Do you know the meaning? I always believe that you're a very capable boy. You'll definitely gain these fruits in you & be a better person. Remember --- The cool & safe always win!

GY

I hope you'll have the spirit of Kung Fu Panda -- Despite own's difficulties, one still works hard to achieve his goals. May you cherish what you already have and use your talents to touch lives.

Danny boy

You're a wonderful boy & I really mean it. Thank you for the trust. I'm always available if you need someone to talk to. Also our promise --- we'll meet in heaven and continue our soccer session there!

Have faith in yourself. You're here for a beautiful reason!

there'r 7 more weeks before this academic yr ends. counting the quality time spent with some of the boys and the work i have secretly planted in their lives, i know it's still not enough. but for whatever i've done, i hope these will last beyond a lifetime!

just like what i've wrote in the little book that i gave to danny boy, the same apply to the 11 messages above --- a little note, with a simple message, that lasts for eternity!

Ready -> Action -> Go

i have noticed the changes ever since the new sch is in operations. one of the more apparant one is frequent pop-in of visitors during my lesson. probably due to the investment of the equipments, those labs are hotspots for exhibitions. not to mention my kids, being the high-functioning ones, are more suitable to be showcase.

during my last 2 periods of the day, as usual, my "dear friend" was doing marking and this time, english paper. the management has already spelled out clearly that support friend is not allow to mark paper during lesson time. so when the door suddenly opened, she got a shock. there's a super big group of visitors, accompanied by the big shots and big big shots. the most hilarious part was one of the visitor actually know my "dear friend". i still remember seeing her pat her chest after the visitors left.

didn't i share with you that ppl will just pop-in without notice. so better be in "Ready -> Action -> Go" mode lor! dun say i never warn you huh ... hahaha ;P

Danny Boy

you may have realise that i'm in such a pinkie mode recently. so pinkie that you will see the word "pinkie" whenever i leave my footprint! if you're wondering why and frankly, i dun know why either! haha ...

another thing which i do not have a particular reason is my liking for danny boy! i dun have a particular reason for liking him and i also dun know when did i start to like him. he has his strengths and weaknesseses, just like the other 10 boys in my based class, and there's this very special thing about him that caught my attention. i always tell him that he is a wonderful boy and i really mean it cos i think God has made him so!

thru him, i've learnt and discover a lot. it's so interesting to experience how a life can touch another life. indeed, our path don't cross for no reason. within this strictly-constrained environment, so many wonderful things have happened. becos of this, i have given him my everlasting promise ... we will meet again in heaven and he will cont to teach me soccer. i think this's the most beautiful way to maintain our very special relationship, that is safeguard in God's hand!

before we meet again in heaven, i will remember that you have said that i'm an awesome teacher. this alone is sufficient for me to go a million miles!

by the way "danny boy" is not his actual name

Which C do you want?

i was nearly shocked to death when my forever-good boy said he was almost caned and forced to eat chilli padi for taking cab to sch. one of the teacher, which he didnt disclose, mentioned about taking a cab to sch becos sch bus service is unavailable on the day for PSLE oral. so he, being such a literal boy, obeyed that instruction and spent nearly $20 on cab that morning.

his father doesnt believe that his teacher gave such instructions so to close the case in the most convenient way, he said he lied! Haiz ... what a tragic!!!

Quality time with mama

ever since my dad had passed away, i have learnt to spend quality time with my mama. this includes having dinner with her every nite, accompany her to somewhere she wants to go, do with her something she likes to do, ... etc. i think this is a way to show love to my mum and she understands it. 

today we dine out. she is curious abt the circle line so we plan to have dinner at Thomson Rd. As the MRT was heading Marymount station, the annoucement was made, "next station Marymount". my mum looked at me and said "没礼貌" ... haha. she was making fun of the name!

One more chance ...

as part of my daily routine, i read the news at yahoo.com.sg and saw the news about a very popular Chinese singer who is ready for the next mission --- to share music in africa. this reminds me of the YEP trip. it was his special project which he set off to Shangarila to explore music of the minorities. 

thru those stories he shared, i had unknowingly desire to visit this piece of land. during my most available period of my life, an opportunity dropped from heaven and there i went ... and so many things happen ever since then ... ...

i dun believe in coincidence. everything happen for a reason. although we are so tiny to comprehend everything in our life, we cannot deny the purpose of its existence. coincidence is a man-made word and brings no justice to God, who is the creator of this universe!

while i'm reading this news article, i knew deep in my heart that it is not just another news ... it means a lot more than what it is ... i really sense of need for me to pick up the bits and pieces of myself which can be found along the pathway that leads to the point of origin ... i can sense that it's prompting me, telling me that this is my 1 more chance to reach a new height!

In deep thoughts

i'm so flooded with my flow of thoughts. it's not unusual that i will space-out during free time. but these days, my thought is unusually stirring. it seems like nothing much has happened yet thru reflection of my routine work life, i felt a sense of discomfort. shouldn't i rejoice over it?!?!

reflecting my recent chat with jack, i once again thought of that moment which both of us trembled in awe! i want to tear in joy ... that's 1 thing i want to boost about the amazing handprint mr J has stamped in our hearts. truely, coincidence is a man-defined term cos everything is created for a reason!

despite the discomfort i'm experiencing, i know that time is not right yet! i know i have to hang on ... i have to learnt to cope a life of being surrounded by weird people ... i'm in the process of growing, running the race that lead me to completeness ...

Love is simple

I like today's speaker. although this's the 1st time i hear her live, i like her as much as her husband. they're indeed a very blessed couple. even looking at their shadows, i can see God's handprint! and those who can hear them preach were even more blessed!!!

it touches me the most when he choosed to sit at a corner of the last row while she preached. he sliently supported his wife of 42 yrs at that cold corner. despite the cooling weather due to sudden downpour this morning, every heart in the auditorium was warmed!

everytime pastor marion mentioned her husband, i will turn to look at him. although he didnt have any outburnt of laughter, i can see that 嘴角的幸福 and this is love.

In anticipation ...

have been in deep thoughts recently on many issues. thinking about work, about AWARE, about a dear sister, about colleagues, about God and about ppl around me ...

in the last conversation with my dear sister jack, i was so motivated to know that she has picked up the bible n read 1 chapter a day. she specifically highlighted John 14:1-4 to me. God has made our hearts so closely bond that we understand what these verse means to us without much explanation!

n then last nite, out of desperation, i was trying to air my chest to a little girl i met at msn. she was doing proj discussion in her quarter-opened eyes. i was telling her that my profession requires ones to self-reflect & self-motivate. i'm starting to feel emotionally-drained. PUSH! --- remedy by the little girl.

nowadays i will visit facebook quite frequently n whenever i see friends upload photos taken from overseas trip, i felt very deprivated! as much as i want to remove those "victim" thoughts, i cant deny my emotions on certain things. n even so, i guess i can only look forward and move on and PUSH hard that the next stage of my life will quickly arrive ...

i like today's sermon --- restoring the stolen properities! i was so touched with this simple message and so grateful to have mr Jim at bethel today. my mind was in deep thought thru out the sermon, my heart was aching towards the end of the sermon and my eyes were wet when he explained why he preach the message today.

it takes a lot to make a proclaimation! uphold Godly value is a MUST and it requires so much wisdom to seek a way out of the earthly standards. The beauty of being a teacher is to pray for my kids. Recently, i discovered ways to help my kids to redirect to God. The next challenge is to go a step further ... this would require me going against rules set. Have to pray for wisdom n favor!

despite the weather, the attendance was excellent! the auditorium was filled entirely. those who came in big groups were asked to take circle seats. everyone is fanning. Obviously there's something wrong will the aircon. Pastor Chng has jokingly said, "it must be the fire of the Holy Spirit" ... haha

Super Week!

i had a SUPER week 5 ... it kicked off with a rush rush Mon and ended with a rush rush Fri! brought kids to RJC for doodle sessions on both days n followed by meeting with outing comm. on top of this, 2 teachers i supported were on 2 days MC so i have to take over their teaching role ... recently i have been very used to take over a particular class and it's really very comforting when i heard 1 of the boy comment that he prefers me over the other teacher. hehe ...

yesterday ... aka SUPER Fri cos attend the Prayer Conference at Tampines in the evening. was still contemplating whether to attend or not but in the end decided to go. this's partially due to a comment my mum made ...

the journey was surprisingly smooth n was in time for praise & worship. i like the lead singer. pretty n has good vocal! i like mr Jim's sense of humor although i dun think he is exceptionally impressive! anyway i will see him again tml n also anticipate a lot of ppl to crowd to Aljunied tml morning! 

just receive notice that someone going on 2 days mc next week n thus, i got to take over her teaching role ... i somehow sense that i will become a subject teacher very soon! Praise the LORD!!! haha 

The unsettled mind

i finally has acknowledged my unsettled mind. this's after so many mths of denial, pretence & ignorance that i finally have to come face-to-face with it. what makes this more complicated is our differences and my lack of courage to seek the answer. what if it's a No? haiz ...

toying with my thoughts in wilderness doesnt seems wise ... yet, i dun dare to challenge my faith. and now that i'm writing this entry, i'm entertaining my unsettled mind again. haiz ... "our spirit is high but our flesh is weak" ... now i understand what this means!

think i need to return to similar condition as dec 08 where my mind is so focused on 1 objective and no room for choice. this's perhaps is the only thing i can celebrate in the midst of so many hair-pulling events. this's how i was blessed. my God has a good sense of humor!

3 letters

here're 3 letters i have longed wanted to write. if not becos of my last round  of 1200 race, i wouldnt have drag this long. anyway i decided to write n mail these letters out immediately after i submit my assignment.

Letter to Mr J

~~~~~~~~~~

thank you for the wisdom. without it, i wouldnt know how much i need you. it seems like the mystery is starting to surface. i hope this's not my imagination. as i'm in this process of preparation, may you cont to empower, enlighten and enrich me as well as the people around me.

Letter to hao xin ren

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

thank you for those nite trips. if i got a chance to meet your dad, i will thank him wholeheartedly for his ever-fulfilling fatherly love cos with this, we wouldnt have so much fun. heehee ...

it's indeed not a easy to be hao xin ren n as the saying goes "好心有好报", you'll b greatly blessed. for example, found the thing which u urgently needed at the most unexpected moment. haha ... so dun be dishearted and cont to be hao xin ren even though long-lost friends will just POP out from nowhere.

Letter to Mr XYZ

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

despite all my efforts to try to trace you, i still have no clue who u r. perhaps your hammering skill is so good that it outwit my strong analytical thinking and logical reasoning skill! although i dun know who u r, i can conclude that u're a very daring person cos not many people dare to challenge my dearest spanny's barking at wee hours. even so, i do not at all look up to you. 

anyway i strongly advise u to go get a clock n the next time u want to hammer, pls check the time. if a clock doesnt help, i advise u to go get a phone n the next time u want to hammer but dun know how to read time, u can call the police for advise. if u dun find the above helpful, i also dun know what else i can help you ... or mayb u shld just bury your hammer somewhere so that if i manage to find u, i wouldnt use it to hammer u!

Showing Love thru Action

1 of the many reasons i enjoy reading newsletter from World Vision is to receive devotion from various WV staff. in the latest entry, the writer end his entry with James 2:18 - But someone will say," You have faith; I have deeds." Show me your faith without deeds, and I show you my faith by what I do. (http://www.worldvision.org.sg/st_devotion.php#start)

today, someone threw me a question, "shouldnt it be compulsary that all Christians must be in church on good Fri?" ... it is more than a routine that Christians attend church service. this's not the only thing that differential a Christian from others. In fact, there are many non-Christians who visit church as well.

growing in Christ requires walking closely with God. i've know this for a long long while ... recently, i've learnt the importance to express love thru action. therefore, i went tomb cleaning with my family n help in all ways i can n not compromise the don'ts of Christians. as well as this good fri holiday, i choose to go away with colleagues. 

i'm grateful for those precious moments that i can spend quality time with my love ones. in the process of showing love thru action, sacrifice is inevitable n i entrust these onto the Lord, who will usually provide a way out for me.

A hug wins a million words

someone give me a hug at the time that i'm most unprepared. i was very touched and grateful that our path ever cross. my day is brighten up and i felt energized!

i was chatting and sharing with an senior person this morning. though the session was short, it was good. somehow i felt assured about my future direction.

My heart is aching ...

as i'm thinking about you, missing those happy moments & silly we shared last yr, i realise that i need to find time to chat with you ... and as i have such thoughts, by chance, you came close. but as you come close, you got into trouble again ... how can i help you? where are you? 

at wee hours ...

strange strange strange ... i'm still awake at this hour. will i be able to survive the day, knowing that it will b a long day.

strange strange strange ... unexpectedly, i wrote 700 words over 1 nite for my assignment which will due at 2359 on 23 Mar 09. either this topic is easy for me or i'm writing rubbish ... hahaha

oh yah ... i have a few new discoveries today ... 

1) i found a new speaking software ... next time can make it talk to me when i'm bored!

2) i realise eyesight may not neccessary get worse as a person age

3) i realise that my cell leader is actually a very good biblical teacher

4) it's time to change the outlook of this blog

5) spanny seems to be allegy to the new dog food

6) how lovely my YEP-mates are even though the trip has long ended

7) i miss the hugs n jokes we shared during the yep trip

8) i still thinking of re-visiting UK

9) i'm able to do finance without errors at wee hours

10) i have so many new discoveries within a day, remember and able to list all of them n i'm still wide awake

hmmm ... what shld i do now?

wash clothes? iron clothes? vacuum floor? mop floor? clean window? count stars? count lamb? count how many words r there in the book of Genesis? of cos i'm silly-talking lah ... cant be so brainless lor!!!

I'm loving it ... 我就喜欢

i'm loving my short 1-week holiday. despite having with sore throat, i still go buffet lunch with mama n auntie n had lots of delicious food. talking abt lunch, i had lunch with someone at centrepoint, had lunch with mama & auntie at hyatt hotel and tml lunch will be with somebody at heeren ... see i have lunch 3 days in a row at orchard leh!!! how can i not like holiday as it's the best time to catch up with ppl who u seldom see or always see but no time to chat.

apart from catching up over lunch, another thing to mention is the wonderful time spend with spanny. now that my mama is working, spanny is rather bored at home cos i'm not her main companion at home. since last week, things has change slightly. my bro has been dropping his helper at my place. her presence keeps spanny from boredom cos she will accommodate all requests by naughty spanny! 

dogs are really no good in hiding their emotions ... it's shown all over spanny's face, eyes, tail, paws, ... all parts of her body that she's happy ... hahaha ... n this's the time that she's the most adorable. well, i mean she is adorable everytime but in those moments, she is just too lovable that i can help but to squeeze her in my arms. heehee ...

in so many years of living life with spanny, i have learnt a lot from her. sometimes i really envy her for being able to express her love n joy with not suppression ... shouldnt love n joy be shared? why do humans like to hide these positive feelings? prehaps, sometimes we should strip off those expectations that we have put on others n put down our pride. 

these are very simple solutions for life's most difficult problem. yet, life's simplest lesson takes a lifetime to master. from tues lunch, i realise i've discover something (positive). I've learnt something which has never ever cross my mind n i'm still learning ... ...

The Source

I lift up my eyes to the hills -- where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.

Psalm 121:1-2

recently i'm quite chained up with thoughts in my mind n choose to isolate from the crowd. i know this's no good. therefore, i create "opportunities" for myself to standing in the crowd but i know deep in my heart, i'm not enjoying those mandatory assignments.

i think i have yet to come to term with the inner self and even after sharing with the very few people, who i feel comfortable sharing, i still cannot comprehend a lot of things. i know i have yet to find the solution cos my heart can never trick to my mind. in the midst of all these, i'm truely thankful to the few good soul who i can share with. 

i start to see some light when somebody sms me Psalm 121:1-2. this reminds me of the source that always provide and never run dry. the source that provides unconditionally, without fail. the source which re-align my heart and mind. sometimes in life, what we need is just a statement of  encouragement. the rest is redundant!

Beautiful Mind 2

it always set me thinking when something serious happened to my kid. on tues, i was chatting with my sweetie-pie team members in the hall. suddenly my bubby teacher came to tell me something abt a boy yet before she can finish, a few ppl just crowd near us.

i look ard n saw my chubby adorable boy eyes' teary red. a mal teacher pat his shoulder n asked if he is ok. only then then i realise he was bullied ... this's how slow i am!!! i'm quite in talking term with this boy n i asked him if he wanted to talk n then pull him to a corner. it took him a while to start talking ... i felt so sad when i heard his story.

usually children from mainsteam sch r either badly bullied or big bullies. but in most case, had very bad experience of being bullied so a new sch is like a ray of hope to them. but then it's also not easy for the rest of the class to accept new students. he happen to b 1 who the class do not like n thus not many ppl like to talk to him. so i always make an effort to talk to him.

something kids just want u to hear them out ... this doesnt need a penny but a big heart. from my experience with children, once u give them the respect n listen to them, the bonding is very different! i make an effort to chat the chubby-adorable boy n he got so comfortable that he called me "mum" by accident. haha ... this's so funny!

Cloning

weeks back, i was still quite bothered over a colleague who would be away for around 2 weeks. i need to admit that my focus is more on taking over her teaching role rather than understanding why she needs to go on MC.

not that i'm doubtful of my ability. just dun like things to be passed over to me at such a improper manner. also, knowing this colleague, it wouldnt be an enjoyable experience to take over her role. true enough, the 1st thing she picked on me is on PP1 marking.

she commented that i was too lenient n in front of the kids, she said she want to minus marks for no number statement, no this n no that ... i'm not a MOE-trained teacher n sorry to say that she's neither 1. based on my 1 yr experience, i learnt that a marker should, thru the students' answer, understand the child's flow of thoughts when he/she is attemping the question.

i dun see any reason why i shouldnt reward a child with full marks when he/she has already spell out his understanding? luckily there's a very experience MOE-trained teacher in our midst to consult. anyway i still let her bring back the papers to review.

back to taking over her class ... i was only notified via email merely 1 week in advance about she going on 2 weeks MC. in the end, the doctor gave only 1 week MC. even so, i still cont to teach until yesterday, she started her 1st lesson with newly adapted style, which set me thinking ...

she's using more tools & aids to make her lesson more interesting which i think it's good n i find her new style quite familar ... cos i'm was using it earlier! mayb she think this's more engaging. haha ... anyway this's a new discovery which i can gossip abt here ... 

Beautiful Mind

While i was chating with the girls yesterday over our over-run tuition session, they commented that the new girl has 小姐脾气. apparantly this's not a norm amongst the girls there but then i was thinking ... what is norm?

norm being defined by practises and behaviour of the majority. so i suppose most girls is able to control their emotion better than the new girl. but isnt this too demanding for a girl, as young as 10 yrs old? i frankly dun think i'm able to do so, probably also cos i'm ASD.

talking abt ASD and i'm playing with my thoughts on this topic with the definition of norm ... what if one day, majority of our society is made up of people with Autism, will the behavioural issues result from Autism become a norm? How will this world be like if this day ever come? Will i be jobless by then?

Another Beautiful One

i'm very close to spanny recently ... or rather, it's she who keep bugging at me for food. maybe cos she finally understand that she will either be scolded or irritated if she's going to wake my mum up every morning. so she turn her focus at me ...

so on weekend mornings, if will went into my room, pretend to be good & give me that innocent face but her 'fox tail' is very quickly reveal when she stretch forward her small, yet powerful paw to scratch my arm. sometime i will give in, but sometimes i will just chase her out of my bed n close the door before she can sneak in again! hehehe ...

recently my mum has some weird plans, which i disapprove, n thank to spanny for making these plans unsuccessful!!! hahaha ...  ** evil grin  ** ... i start to love spanny more n more ... n now that my mum start to work, there will b more time between spanny n I ... which means there will b more chances for her to scratch me with her small, yet powerful paws. Oh Noooooooooo .... !!!

even so, i still love her as much as she loves me ... hahaha

Beautiful Ones

last week was a tiring week for me as i felt being put on a yoyo. my emotion was up n down n up n down. as much as i refrain from showing the slightest trace of this, i was grateful that 1 thing remain unchanged ... the same yesterday, today and forever! i was once again being reminded of the beautiful One n the beautiful ones around me ...

last yr i ever mentioned this boy who's quite close to me last yr. though this yr he didnt sit with me as frequent as last yr, we still enjoy those short moments of chatting ... one day, last week, he came n sat opp me during recee. we chat n chat n then somehow i mention his form teacher n his eyes turn dull, which made me worry.

so i asked him who does he prefer, ms W or ms Lau? he said ms Lau. then i asked how abt ms Lau n ms Lam? he said ms Lam ... hehehe

i told ms Lau this n mayb cos he wanted to please me so ms Lau asked him the following day n confirm that it's ME!!! WooHoo!!! hahahahahahahaha ...

pls let me cry

my heart is aching and my body is flooding ... i feel like crying yet not a single tear roll down from my eyes ... even though crying cant solve the problems, i still want to cry ... to cry out all those that r gripping my hearts ...

this's a super yucky feeling ... i really hate it!

Self-talking ...

my energy is running low. even drawing out from some responsibilities didnt help much. guess this's a consequence for achieving 1 of my resolution for this year. yet there're still tonnes of work to be done.

1 of a teacher i support will b on MC from this Fri to week 9 n i'm told (via a very inproper manner) that i got to cover her for Maths. i still have not digest this in a positive manner but i guess i will try my best.

my study isnt any better. another assignment due 24 feb, which is next tues, and i have not even start thinking what to write. have already missed 1 lesson, left early for 1 lesson and will miss today lesson. this's how wonderful my attendance is!!!

i long for a good rest n then time to pack my room n in the midst of these, i have time to read + draw + sew + sleep ... these just bring back memories of my bumming days. but too free is no good either!

now, i just wish i can wake up on time n b punctual for work every morning. cut down on cab taking ... n attempt to socialise rather than finding excuses n hide away from the crowd. for the least, i think i shld at least b more friendly to 1 of the teacher i support in PL. he is actually a very nice person ... i feel like a shit whenever i thought of this!!!

Do it Right before it's too late

i'm glad to hold on this morning ... holding on to the pain even though i cant stand straight! i'm glad i've survived week 6!!! even as i was complating n hesitating n questioning y did i agree to attend the KidsRead training, i attended.

the trainer is very experience and expressive. i like her. think i'm starting to like reading n quite determine to make time for this.

out of the many advantages for reading, 1 of it is to teach children abt sad and difficult times, such as death. this's something everyone of us has to go thru ... the trainer mentioned that even a person had passed away, the person will always be remembered by others. at this stage, it's the memory that matters!

this set me thinking ... thinking abt my dad n i cant agree more. i've lose count how many times i've tear after his cremation, yet i didnt shed a drop of tear during his cremation. i guess it's the memory that touch my heart. 

i know some ppl like to address their parents as "uncle" or "auntie". this may sound very cool but i find it very disrespectful. we can have many uncles n aunties in our life but everyone has only 1 father and 1 mother. most imptly, "daddy" and "mummy" are 2 words that one will never have any chance to use again once the person has passed away.

i dun blame those who dun understand or think deep enough cos some of these are learnt thru experience and some of these experience is very painful.

count your blessings!

Solution reveal during dream time

Yesterday was a long day for me. Despite the long to-do list, each item due today else long overdued, i still met a colleague for lunch. i think we both need a well-deserved meal! in the end the lunch didnt turn out to be fantastic but the company is excellent!

back to my long to-do list ... i'm rather strucked with IT lesson plan and project assessment. When i was still in bed this morning, in a half-dream-half-awake state, i thought of how to do. hahaha ... it's so unusual to find the solution during dream time! i never know i can multi-task in this manner lor. Hahaha ...

recently, i felt rather HIGH abt my work ... guess this's a bonus amidst the increasing work load.

It's Jokes time!

earlier i shared abt jokes between me n my mum n now i want to include jokes either by me or my kids at my workplace.

socks or shorts?

setting: gymnastic lesson, where kids have to remove shoes and socks prior the lesson

one of the boy was still wearing socks while the whole class is waiting for him. so i say, "xxx, remove your shorts!" but he didnt response. so i repeated 2 more times n he still standing at a corner, showing me a face without expression. then i realise i had said "shorts" n not "socks". 

thank God he never start stripping lor else i will get into deep shit!!!

Bus No 7

setting: silent reading in Hall

the moment i step into the hall, 1 kid told he left his fav bag, which has fav dino book, in bus No 7. he asked me how to take back the book? so i reply very seriously & sincerely by suggesting him to write to SMRT after school. n then he quickly said, "No. it's not! it's school bus no 7!".

the above r just 2 jokes i can think of at this moment ... feel like napping leh but got cell later ... how? how?? how??? 

i'm now feeling like a little bird cos my shoudlers r very light now ... so happy i have submitted TMA01 last nite. although i didnt write close to 1200, i still submit. haha

Facebook

recently i've been quite active in facebook. i like to look at those people whom are filtered by the facebook networking system. these ppl r usually also in my friend's facebook. n thru this, i like to view who r the mutal friends. it's very interesting to see mutual friends from more than 1 interest group, such as workplace & church or previous workplace & church. and sometimes as i play with this feature in facebook, i will click at the wrong button n added someone whom i dun intend to add in facebook. guess this explain y my friend list in FB is growing ... hahaha

Pressing on for a GREATER mission!

Revised IT Lesson Plan - Overdue

Maths Lesson Plan - By 1 Feb

Maths teaching materials - By 1 Feb

UniSIM TMA 1 - By 3 Feb

IT teaching material - By 3 Feb

IT comm updates - By 6 Feb

UniSIM TMA2 - By 24 Feb

Finalised Proclaim files - By 28 Feb

The above are just some deadlines that I can name off hand n there shld b more. with P6 Supp classes starting next week, my workload will get heavier! this yr, i have to cover another class for Maths Supp class cos the Maths teacher is a contract staff n she knock off at 1pm. frankly, i dun feel positive abt this though i dun have a choice. guess this's something i can manage ... just focus on the interest of the kids!

as week 4 comes to an end, i'm starting to feel tired (physically) already. was coughing n sneezing yesterday after my well-deserved nap n even popping 2 panadol didnt seen helpful. i thought i wouldnt b able to make it today. Thank God, i was prefectly ok this morning! 

as i was leaning against the wall at the back of the class in the last period, 1 of the student was very sweet. he asked if i'm sleepy (he actually mean tired). of cos i deny lah. heehee ... but i guess if he can observe it, it shld b quite obvious!

i know this race wouldnt be easy but i'm very determine to put priority on work this year for a greater mission.

Thankful

i like my new cell group! enjoy the short moments of worship & sharing time. witnessing the beauty of humility n experiencing the presence of mr J. 

a few r bothering me for a few days n even as i'm thinking, reflecting n wrestling, these things r somehow being taken care of. i cant help but to acknowledge that it MUST be God!!! 

was alone in conference room on thurs afternoon, waiting for someone for a 1-to-1 meeting which i never expect. being kept in suspense isnt a fun experience n worse is being alone in a conference that can hold up to 20 ppl. i cant help but walking around to make myself busy, while entertaining silly thoughts. haha .... this of cos end with a good outcome!

so fast it's going to be CNY ... guess it will b a good time of resting n clearing of sch work. i have assignment due soon ... it's time to jia you again!!! haha

Thankful

i felt that i had just taken a roller coster ride at work yesterday. Ch U crew arrived early morning for the filming. my class was selected for the filming but i was asked to take over another person's class while she's in my class teaching science. the class i was suppose to go had a boy who wasnt very stable recently n will do something really unusual ... something which will fighten all female teachers. 

prior entering the class, i was prepared, told & advised by various ppl until i was so tensed!!! after the familar teacher had intro me n explained the changes, i began the lesson. while i was writing the schedule, he came from behide. i got a SHOCK!!! n quickly execute the consequence system set for him. Thank God, it works!!! 

thru out the 1 hr lesson, i can see that he tried to control himself despite the few attempts he done to his caretaker. n then it's recess time. i had a rush rush recess break n then made to go into a lower pri class which i'm not familar for leisure skills lesson.

although it's leisure skills lesson, it wasnt a leisure time for me!!! cos there's a runner in this class. i saw his teachers running after him for a few times this week! after 1 hr of LS, i finally can go back to my timetable n 1 hr of 1-to-1 teaching will give me some time to catch some breathe & tune back!

the last 2 periods is in a P6 class which i'm least familar with. the class is very high the moment i step in n start talking silly things n getting a bit out of the way. so have to execute consequence system again which trigger 1 of the boy. he refused to pack up for dismissal. i know he want to start his drama again!!! have heard too much abt him last yr.

the boy still refused to pack up n start hiding behide the smart board. i was very naughty lah ... left him in the class with the teacher n assume that he will have his ways to make the boy to pack up n go to hall ... so i made the class to Q up n move them down to the hall. 

in the end the boy came down n then start a mini drama in the hall ... this's how i end my week 2 n even now i can still feel the tension in me. it's really not easy to enter 4 classes of totally diff profile within a day. 

in the midst of all these, i'm thankful for those moments of assurance & security. i dun know if this's from God ... but i promise to remove whatever that's not of Him or not from Him. Help me, my Lord!!!

HC10

HC10 is my new cell code. cool huh !!! we kick off 2009 with the 1st cell last fri. while i was contemplating whether to go or to skip, i finally reach the extreme end of HG n so glad that i attend. 

i quite like my new cell cos it has a well-mix of ppl from diff walk of life n the interesting part is each has certain degree of involvement in children work. it's a good start esp after hearing everyone's expectation of the cell for this yr. i believe there will be progress n excitement.

something has been bugging me since the last week of dec08. this's also in view of resolution for 2009. actually this's not a new issue ... just that i didnt think deep enough abt it. now it's seriously bothering me n i FINALLY make up my mind. i guess some ppl will be shock ... ... ...

even as i refrain from using these words (cos the last time someone say it to me, it affected me badly that my heart still hurt now), i cant think of alternatives ... there's a season for everything. when the season is over, everything will eventually have to end.

讚美生命 Let's Celebrate Life

"Lucky didnt make a fuss about anything and just quietly sat on his pillow often staring into space. We didnt know if Lucky was in pain but we knew he wasnt happy."

Abstract from  http:/www.davidtao.com/diary/diary_list.php  1 dec 2008 entry

my tears rolled from both eyes unknowingly after reading this line. i love spanny but i dun think i can ever grant her as much dignity as this man gave to his dog, Lucky.  he wrote a long entry at his site n i abstracted a portion of it ... not cos the above is the best. instead i want you to read the original entry at his site.

i want to thank God for this man! though he is incomparable to You, i still want to thank You for creating him and giving him those talents to touch my life, as well as many others out there. what a way to start yr 2009 ... n even as i'm less active to follow-up with his updates since jul 07, he never fail to touch & inspire me thru the small little things he does or say. tell me how to not love this man who is so real n serious???

Happy New Year!!!

last nite service was quite enjoyable ... very diff from last yr. good to see that ppl in church r putting in effort, despite the comments. n i tell u hor ... no matter what u do or how well u've done, there will always be comments. sometimes i think ... y dun these ppl stand out n volunteer themselves, rather than hiding at a corner n whispering softly ... like a mouse lor!!! 

Oh well ... dun mean to start the yr by scolding ppl. moreover, i dun think i'm scolding lor ... there's no need for me to scold ppl at my blog cos these ppl will not read my blog 1 lah ... hohoho ...

back to last nite service ... some of the performance were rather entertaining. in the midst of enjoying myself, i got refirmation of a potiential YEP leader who i've eye on since i offer to volunteer. guess this person will add value to the team n future YEP projects.

n 1 thing i want to thank God is His enlightenment for 2009 resolution ... there're 3.

oh oh oh oh ... i did something malu ... was too excited throwing the balloons backward n hit a uncle's spec n he's not any ordinary uncle ... so funny lor!!! hahaha